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Another blog post from your favorite fiction e-writer: This is Dedicated (Thanksgiving) http://nblo.gs/b1f9D

‘Love’ is a funny word for such an uncertain emotion. As I chug down a burning euphoria at this high clash trash party, I look around and reflect more on that word. Does it exist in today’s cold and harden heart? Or do we just toss it around like recyclable junk because we do not know when to just pitch and bury it away? So we use it as vocal decoration just to swoon, caress, and comfort to reassure the other(s) that we care about everything but number one. The meaning unveils even more true or untrue depending on how you look at the tampered glass. It is sickening to think about all the assumed promises from that word. Yet we use it every day to make even ourselves feel better with the illusion. So what can one do but to raise it high and say cheers hoping that that word lasts forever or at least until the liquor runs out.

H-e-l-l-o. That word echoes and gets lost in the audio pollution of your mind. All you can think about is the ‘o’ as you look to your bed. Oh was he worth it. Even at that instant I won’t know for sure. But during that intimate greeting I believe I thought it was. As I look at the evidence I hope it is, especially as he looks at me and smiles. I close my eyes and try to capture a moment. They say that you hear better that way. I listen hard and open with racing images in my head. Still it is not clear almost muffled actually. I begin to wander in my thoughts. Maybe the echo is not what I thought it was…maybe it is the ending of a laugh. I open my eyes and see his smiling face again. Now it is harder to say ‘hello’ more than ever. Good-bye is starting to ring better and true.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhh as I open my eyes to the sharp pain of light and the realization that the picture perfect reality that I just stretched from and hopped out of is an accepted delusion that I can’t go back to. And what is that exactly…I do not really remember the details but from what I recall from the crumbs it was quite a treat. Now I have to face the cold brew of today. Gulp down whatever is served to me while washing away the past. But the tricky part is that I have to look perky and refreshed following the after taste. And not notice the annoying grittiness on my teeth as I gash through the day. Oh yes, I know what you are thinking, ‘what do I do when the crash hits hard and low’. To tell the truth, I do like you, I frantically look for another version of satiety that seems like the recipe to un-disaster and continue to intake all that is served tongue burning hot or knife sharp cold until I can get back to my preferred digested real-I-ty. This is the reality of January Lane.